Lessons from a 31-year-old white belt:

• Roundhouse kicks are more fun than side kicks. And that’s OK.
• Jumping jacks are not my friend.
• The instructor might say that we’re doing these slalom runs through the chairs to learn agility and it’s not a race so there’s no need to rush, but when you’re the lowest rank in the room and the highest-ranking red belt is suddenly two feet behind you on her second lap while you’re still trying to finish up lap 1, you pick up the pace a bit.
• Running across the floor a half dozen times will loosen up a respiratory infection quite nicely. After that point you sound like a three-pack-a-day smoker for about two hours.
• When trying to clear a respiratory infection it’s possible to sound worse than the smokers at the end of the drills.
• No matter where you put your water bottle, you will inevitably be led to the other side of the room.
• First form is in the shape of an I. So are second and third, but we don’t have to get to those anytime soon. Especially when we continue to look like a train wreck in first form.
• The big toe is critical to balance, which is why I keep pulling all the muscles on top of it. Some day I will have toes of iron.
• No matter how much you enjoyed class and what you learned, there’s not enough room to practice forms in the shower.
• Hell, you can’t even get off more than a semi-decent front kick in the shower.
• If you enjoy what you’re doing enough, not only do you forget it’s exercise, but people start to ask you if you had older brothers to fight. When you reply that no, you’re the oldest, you get odd looks. And that’s OK too.
• It’s only 5 days until Monday, when I get to do it again.