Reading the instructions on the lawn fertilizer. Let’s sum up:

• Do not mow for two days.
• Apply to dry lawn.
• Allow 24 hours before mowing again.
• Make sure the product has been watered in.
• Do not water for at least 24 hours after the application.

It is spring in Pennsylvania, which is a shorthand way of saying it torrentially rains every 3 days, and in between the grass grows two feet an hour.

I’m pretty confident I can never actually use this product to its specifications unless I move my entire house and property to another state.