Last night around 10:30, JessieDog rapidly became very sick, with trouble breathing and and obvious collapse of other systems. We took her to the emergency vet, where they treated us with respect and dignity. JessieDog had just about every “side effect” of the lymphoma she’d been diagnosed with a few months ago, all at the same time, and the end of the day they said the best they could do would be hold her for 24 hours or more until they figured out whether there was even a place to start… or we could put her to sleep, because regardless of what they did, she wasn’t going to get better. She wasn’t going to come home.

We opted for comfort and love over heroic attempts to tie her down to this earth. They let us say goodbye, and let us hold her while they gave her a sedative, and she fell asleep in my arms like she was taking a very long nap. She died seconds later. That was at around 12:40 this morning.

We came home last night without our fuzzy kid, called the people who needed to be called, and finally fell asleep around 3 this morning. We didn’t try to get up until after 11 this morning, and even holding a normal conversation has been difficult at best. When one of my best friends called to tell me about the birth of his child I couldn’t even find the words or the strength to congratulate him. Every time I try to open my mouth my heart tries to strangle me.

I don’t know how long it’s going to take to feel even a little normal. It’s not going to be today.

We have comics in the queue through the 10th. I don’t know what’s going to happen between now and then, or after that. I’m not sure I feel like writing “night fugues” anymore. I don’t know how to draw Daisy without JessieDog modeling for me, and I’m not at the point where that’s possible either.

To our friends and family, thank you for everything you’ve done for us, and I love you.

She was a good dog. I couldn’t ask for anything else.